This week… Procras10ation Episode 10 – The One Where We Prequel All Over The Place. We start our push to analyze the Star Wars Cinematic Universe. This week we deal with the prequels, Those movies that divided the fans and apparently ruined some peoples childhoods.
- Daniel renames Jason’s Laura: The Whisperer
- Penelope The Podcast Puppy has gone on strike and is taking a union break.
- Daniel does an imitation of Ralph Garman doing an imitation of Harrison Ford.
- Daniel loses Geek Points for being a sports guy over a true Star Wars geek. Daniel has negative 6 Geek Points.
- The guys geek out about their opening experiences with the Star Wars universe.
- Shout out to Jason’s college friends: Shawn and Chris. We watched the wide-screens side-by-side to see what had been cut off.
- Daniel watched the movies on LaserDisc – yeah, he is old too. Daniel’s step-dad had geek tendencies apparently, he got movies on LaserDisc for his movie collection.
- Grease 2 is a visual an auditory abortion. And Jason is not a fan of Michelle Pfeiffer.
- The John Williams Procras10ation episode has been predicted.
- Jason doesn’t hate the Prequels – and he is ok if he lost geek points for it. But they might be the reason that George Lucas should not be allowed to direct ever again. Though it doesn’t matter because he has a Scrooge McDuck size pool of money.
- Liam Neeson’s cock has made another appearance. We think that is two episodes in a row.
- For Jason Harrison Ford and Han Solo are the same person. Henry Indy Solo Ryan.
- Jason hates on the Lord of the Rings movie a little bit.
- Jason is going to predict the ninth Star Wars movie.
- Daniel is chastized about making fun od Joey Fatone. Anyone that is a friend of BQQuinn is a friend of ours.
Episode I: The Phantom Menace
- Release Date: May 19, 1999 – Director: George Lucas
- Jason went opening night. Daniel went the night after.
- Glimpses of shit that would happen in the original trilogy.
- Jedi Pussy Trick? How did Anakin’s mother get pregnant? It went a little too Mary and Joseph.
- Fucking JarJar Binks
- Some of the races were a little racist. The Trade Federation was Asian. The Gungans were African… kind of. Lucas should have stepped back from that.
- The Galactic Senate had Wookies and the ETs. The ETs pissed Jason off. Do you know what a Wookie would do to ET. Chewbacca would skull-fuck an ET. Daniel wanted to have worked the ETs into the movie. Jasonw ould have thrown a fit.
- Episode 1 does have the best lightsaber duel ever! All the fanboys needed new pants. Ewan McGregor and Ray Park trying to beat the hell out of each other at the end of the movie.
- The Original Trilogy had a lot of the abuse of the handicapped.
- The pod race was auditory gold.
- Fucking JarJar.
- Daniel liked the underwater city of the Gungans and the underwater canyon run.
- The Trade Federation piece just kind of got dropped.
- Jake Lloyd is a piece of shit as an actor.
- Snoke is Max Rebo… just saying.
Episode II: Attack of the Clones
- Release Date: May 16, 2002 – Director: George Lucas
- This is Daniel’s least favorite.
- Padme has more stuff to do and Natalie Portman is a good actress but this is not a good script and even worse directing.
- We get to meet Jango Fett and we don’t care. We get to see Boba Fett as a kid and we don’t care.
- Yoda Fight is a highlight. From the point that Padme and Anakin land on Geonosis to the end of the movie. That is the highlight. The machinery at the battle at the end of the movie is perfect. We almost like the Jedi arena battle.
- We want to see Sean Connery in the Qui Gon Jinn role. He and Ewan McGregor running around the galaxy.
- The fight scene between Count Dooku and Anakin sucked. It looks like the fight scene just wasn’t going to work so they have the red and blue lights fighting each other.
- We have to have the foreshadowing of Anakin losing a hand to foreshadow the Luke hand loss. Didn’t need it because Obi Wan takes care of that in number three as well.
- Daniel may have switched Jason into hating this movie as much as he does.
- The big drawback is Hayden Christensen who cannot act. At all. No soul. No depth.
Episode III: Revenge of the Sith
- This is Jason’s third least favorite. This is 7 out of 9 in the list of released Star Wars movies.
- Daniel is sad because the Jedi kids died. Jason wanted to actually see them getting cut up. This scene had to happen so that you could see that turn of Anakin Skywalker to the Darth Vader.
- Order 9-3/4 is the order that killed the Jedi.
- Daniel owes everyone a beer – thank you Stone Cold.
- The things that Jason didn’t like all involved Hayden Christensen.
- The final fight was awesome until Anakin opened his mouth. McGregor is emoting like a madman but Christensen can’t do it so Obi-Wan is going over the top to make up the difference. McGregor wiped the walls with Christensen when it came to lightsaber dueling and acting.
- The opening starfighter battle was awesome.
- The best of three bad movies.
- Luckily this is the last time that we have to put up with Hayden Christensen.
Episode 3.5 – Rogue One: A Star Wars Story
- Star Wars a WWII story.
- Episode 3 and a bit. Episode … almost four.
- This was The DIrt Dozen or Kelly’s Heroes set in the Star Wars Universe
- We are going to give you the pieces that you need to tie the prequels in but we are not going to beat you over the head with it. We are going to tie the prequels to the original trilogy.
- We are going to give you characters that are connected to the cinematic universe but we are going to kill them all off so that
- The blind Jedi was Jason’s least favorite character but he liked him more the second time around.
- Felicity Jones was AMAZING!
- Alan Tudyk as K2-S0 was potentially the best part of the entire movie.
- The movie was good but the end of the movie was much more memorable than any of the rest of it.
- We saw no Bothans die. What the hell Mon Mothma!
- Vader at the end was perfect. Though he goes crazy on those guys you see a much more sedate version of Vader in A New Hope.
- Those 16 years between 3 and 4 aged the fuck out of Obi-Wan. Damn twin suns of Tatooine.
Procras10ation Episode 10 – The One Where We Prequel All Over The Place is the first of three that will drop over the next few weeks. Click here to see our latest podcasts.